It’s February, the month of romance and beautiful gestures of love. Aw!... After coming out of a long-term relationship last year, I finally felt ready to venture into the wide and wonderful world of dating - and boy, it did not disappoint!
For the past few months, I’ve been balls-deep (quite literally) in the dating experience and have learnt a lot. So here are some dos and don’ts that I’ve picked up along the way. Join me on the embarrassing journey that is my dating life...
Don’t buy new outfits for a date. You’ve just wasted £50 on that cute ensemble (twice) and they didn’t turn up (twice). You loser.
Talking to someone does not equate to them liking you. No, they don’t love you, hon. They’re talking to various other trade and just want to bang.
Don’t leave all your belongings in a venue and go home with someone. You will be trapped in their house in last night’s questionable outfit and have to engage with them the morning after.
Prosecco is the devil. Multiple bottles are not a good idea, and it will never be a ‘quiet one’. You’re now messy drunk and making out with a 4/10.
If they like you, they will let you know. Don’t beg it, bab, ya desperate bitch.
You’re better than a shitty “where are you?” message at twat o’clock in the morning. Actually... are you?
Don’t feel shame or guilt for non-attachment sex. It’s fab and you deserve it. You also deserve to be a pillow princess and lie there. It’s been a hard year, okay - you relax.
Don’t edit or modify yourself for someone to like you. You’re a superstar.
Dating apps are full of fakes and fuck boys. Delete them now or risk an even lower self-esteem sis.
When leaving someone’s house after a night of hanky panky, don’t thank them for having you over for said one-night stand. Silly, polite British-ness, godammit.
Don’t reveal too much about yourself. Over-sharing isn’t sexy, so keep parts of yourself just for you. No one wants an orgasm with a side order of trauma.
Checking your messages every minute won’t in fact make their message come through any quicker.
Men are trash. Shag a woman... they give you coffee and respect the morning after.
Love Lacey X
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